by Carrie K. Hutchens

We only have one turn to live our lives here on earth. It’s something I’ve come to think a great deal about, especially when I am dwelling on all my regrets… my mistakes… and all my dreams that will never be because it is too late. And, yes – sometimes it is too late to make dreams come true.

I don’t know when life started slipping by me, but I think I was pretty young. I was always thinking “someday” I will do this or that. “Someday” I hope that I will have a chance to be or to have or to see. Yes, “someday.”

One of my dreams was to go to New York City. That’s never going to happen. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy with all the worry of violent crime that has been transpiring.

I definitely wanted to meet Whoopi Goldberg. That’s before I was stuck in a hospital waiting room with no control over the TV and saw her hatefulness and intolerant political stance on The View. Turns out she was nothing like the person I had imagined her to be. That was indeed a devastating moment.

Bruce Springsteen was another one that let me down. His attitude towards the non-radical liberal burst the bubble of the person I thought he was and gave him one less fan to claim.

Thank goodness that I never wanted to meet Stephen King, cause that man and couldn’t stand to be in the same room with each other more than a second. I know because he has popped up on my Twitter feed more than a few times and it wasn’t pretty. Did you know that he worried about Donald Trump not serving in the military, while not serving either? Well, if he did – I couldn’t find any record of it. Know what I call that? A hypocrite who should stick to writing fiction, rather than trying to create a fiction attitude about someone he disagrees with.

Speaking of Donald Trump…

I’d love to meet President Trump, but that is never going to happen either. Maybe someday he’ll send me a note saying “hi” but I’ll not hold my breath. He’s a busy man fighting to Make America Great Again despite all those that are trying to take him down so he can’t take part in such a wondrous movement that he inspired and worked/is working so hard to make happen.

James Woods is another that didn’t let me down. He used to follow me on Twitter and I actually got to tweet a bit with him. Twitter ended that following, as it did many others for many others.

On a bright note…

I said something to upset Cher. I didn’t know she was reading my tweets, until she jumped me. Well, I had enough, so I blocked her. How dare I. Numerous followers of Cher attacked me for daring to disrespect their queen. She, and they, cared that I – a nobody – blocked her? Okay.

(If you are wondering – yes, I blocked her followers, too.)

Yes, I regret that the New York City I dreamed of visiting no longer exists.

I regret that Whoopi and Bruce are not the people I thought them to be, therefore destroying one more dream. But there is more and it is closer to home.

A screenplay writer/producer/director was in town on personal matters and needed someone to type revisions on a script. I was lucky enough to get the job. And, while I typed – he read some of my work. He liked it. He offered me a job. I’d learn the art of screenplays, making movies and attempt to make his screenplays into novels.

I was excited.

My late husband said, “No.” He said that if I went, I went alone. He told me that he could get custody of the children because it would be a new and unproven job in a state I had no ties to. I believed him. I was young. I was stupid. However, I never got the chance to accept or decline the job offer, because it was made by a man that believed in family. Once he found out that my husband would not agree – the offer was rescinded. It was the last time in my life that I would ever have such a chance.

The rest of my life from then to now has been a series of “maybe someday”… somedays that never came and now never will.

I’ll never be the writer I wished to be. I’ve lost most of what I once had and the world has changed too much to care about what I have to say.

It isn’t just that, though that is reason enough, in my book, for a big pity party.

I’ve spent most of my life stuck in survival mode and effort, with all my dreams always shoved behind the stove, not just on the back burner. There have been a few exceptions. Writing for the Dakota Voice and American Clarion (thanks to Bob Ellis) are among them. I even had chance to briefly be a part of writing a few songs and seeing a singer/musician get his music out there. Then the bulb went out and back to all dreams on hold – this time forever.

I’ve wished I could go back and undo parts of my life and imagined how wondrous things could have been if only I could. But I can’t. Nobody can. We only get one turn, no matter how much we wish for an extra one or a redo. So, my advice is to live a good and unselfish life, but one that remembers you a bit, too. As I said, we only get one turn – make the best of yours. I wish I had.

Copyright © 2022 Carrie K. Hutchens